Therapists at London Couples Clinic are frequently asked why is marriage after kids so hard. The impact of children on your marriage or relationship can be huge and frequently surfaces in therapy or counselling. The  well known psychotherapist, Esther Perel has some fascinating insights about kids and relationships in this article written by Haley Nahmen. Here’s the link:

https://www.manrepeller.com/2018/03/marriage-after-kids-advice.html

Below are six Perel-approved tips on how to maintain your relationship and identity after having children, particularly when they’re still young.

1. Understand you deserve to be connected with your self and partner

Your needs still count. You still exist. Your needs are still important

2. Every couple of months, have a night out without a curfew.

To keep your sense of independence.

3. If you don’t have a community, try to create one.

This is so that you build a life that it isn’t entirely focused on the children 

4. Date night! When you’re exhausted? Have lunch.”

When you’re exhausted there’s not much point trying to have a date night. Try other times. Have you got a friend or relative who can stay the night allowing you and your partner to have a leisurely breakfast when you actually have enough energy to chat.

5. Child care is to help you! Not the children

This is my personal favourite on the list. Perel says that if you’re able to hire someone to help, “the person is not there to help you with the children — they are there to help YOU. You need an assistant.”

6. Find small pockets of time for easy socialising.

Not every meetup has to be a big event or a full night off. Sometimes a quick coffee with a friend is the outside input we need.

Warning: the swear word used in the article may offend some readers.