Articles of Interest

Woman and Man kissing. A Great Sex Life? Relationships

A Great Sex Life?

What is A Great Sex Life? It can mean different things to different people at different stages of their lives.

‘Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life,’  written by Dr. Emily Nagoski is a New York Times bestselling book. If you’re thinking of buying the book then have a look at the positive reviews and comments on https://www.amazon.co.uk/. You can watch Dr Nagoski on this Ted talk:

 

We provide Psychosexual Therapy (also called PST or Sex Therapy) through Christine Hanaie:

https://londoncouplesclinic.co.uk/psychosexual-therapy-pst/

https://londoncouplesclinic.co.uk/christine-hanaie/

Why Is Marriage After Kids So Hard?Backs of dad, mum and toddler Children

Why Is Marriage After Kids So Hard?

Therapists at London Couples Clinic are frequently asked why is marriage after kids so hard. The impact of children on your marriage or relationship can be huge and frequently surfaces in therapy or counselling. The  well known psychotherapist, Esther Perel has some fascinating insights about kids and relationships in this article written by Haley Nahmen. Here’s the link:

https://www.manrepeller.com/2018/03/marriage-after-kids-advice.html

Below are six Perel-approved tips on how to maintain your relationship and identity after having children, particularly when they’re still young.

1. Understand you deserve to be connected with your self and partner

Your needs still count. You still exist. Your needs are still important

2. Every couple of months, have a night out without a curfew.

To keep your sense of independence.

3. If you don’t have a community, try to create one.

This is so that you build a life that it isn’t entirely focused on the children 

4. Date night! When you’re exhausted? Have lunch.”

When you’re exhausted there’s not much point trying to have a date night. Try other times. Have you got a friend or relative who can stay the night allowing you and your partner to have a leisurely breakfast when you actually have enough energy to chat.

5. Child care is to help you! Not the children

This is my personal favourite on the list. Perel says that if you’re able to hire someone to help, “the person is not there to help you with the children — they are there to help YOU. You need an assistant.”

6. Find small pockets of time for easy socialising.

Not every meetup has to be a big event or a full night off. Sometimes a quick coffee with a friend is the outside input we need.

Warning: the swear word used in the article may offend some readers.

 

Woman and Man holding hands in air at wedding. 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage Relationships

10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage

John Gottman of the Gottman Institute is the co-author of many acclaimed books including “10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage”, “The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work” and “What Makes Love Last”. 

The takeaway for me from “10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage” is that some problems in a relationship are perpetual and never solved. These can be differences of personality or lifestyle. You like to get up early but your partner is a night owl. You like your home to be clean and tidy while your partner has a more relaxed attitude. Although this can sound like an insoluble situation, masters of relationships manage these difference by open dialogue and sometimes with humour. Here’s a YouTube link to John Gottman and his co-author Julie Schwartz Gottman discussing the concepts in their book  “10 Lessons to transform your marriage”.

“What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems–extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy–and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track.”

The Marriage Minute

Through the Gottman Institute’s website you can sign up for free bi-weekly emails called The Marriage Minute. The free bi-weekly emails give clear tips for improving relationships which are backed up by over 50 years of research with thousands of couples. What I particularly like about their work on relationships is that it is based on scientific direct observations. Here’s a link to the Gottman Institute website:

https://www.gottman.com/marriage-minute/

We offer a range of online counselling and therapy options for couples and individuals